How to overcome disappointment after failure

As a trainer / mentor and coach I come across this question quite often. In fact I have found that people who has failed at least once and failed big has much bigger chance of success in life.

I always say that “The Size of Your Failure will Define the Size of Your Success” & my 2nd mantra “ Faily early and fail Big” If you haven’t failed then you haven’t tried enough, or you are operating from your comfort zone, or the size of your goal / vision is very small. Most of us who has not failed, possibly are operating from safety zone. So don’t be afraid to fail.. If you are on a mission for cleanliness, be ready to get your dress dirty. I remember a famous Ad tag line”Daag Achhe Hain” Only caution - the stain should be limited to your dress only not on your character. Otherwise “Kapde to gande Honge hi”

A child can not learn walking without falling. But a child never feel bad about falling, neither people discourage him. Rather people keep on encouraging. But the picture get change the moment we attain our childhood. The same set of people who used to encourage us even after our repeated failure to take the first baby step, start criticizing us the for smallest failure. And slowly and gradually we become afraid to take risk and do new things for fear of failure. Failure become stigma, whereas failure is the first sign of success - means you are trying to do something you haven’t done earlier. without which you neither get success nor get failure.

If your goal big, chances are there that your failure will also Big. But if you get disappointed at the first sign of failure, that would be like accepting defeat. The power of your passion will be tested only when you fail, not when you pass at the first attempt. Thomas Edison made 1,000 unsuccessful attempts at inventing the light bulb.

Failing doesn’t matter. What is important is that what you do with your failure. I have been interview guide for corporate level for quite some time being in panel for over 1000 interview. I have seen for senior positions in corporate, candidate who never had a major failure in life wouldn’t get selected - the selectors would like to know what did you do with your failure, how did you managed your emotion, what has been your attitude. They would like to know how strong you are, If misfortune strike, how are you going to behave, how are you going to take the organisation out of the crisis. For the top most level job in the corporate sector this is final question, which will set you apart. Otherwise all the candidates will be having degrees from the finest institution, massive experience, impressive success stories and track record. But the man form boys will be separated on the basis of the failure stories.

All these answer wouldn’t come from your success, the answers will come from your failure and what did you do about them. Whether you sit back at home being disheartened or your try with double enthusiasm. Observe a baby taking its early strep for motivation. It depends what lesson you take from your failure. Analyse your failure, dissect it threadbare. There are tools & techniques available. Get yourself a trainer / coach or a mentor. Having talent may not be enough particularly when you are fighting a pro. The legends like Roger Federer also hire service of personal coach even today. We take tuition for our class X exam. But unfortunately we do not take tuition or coaching for the bigger battle of our life where stakes are much higher. Many of us fail inspite of having talent, just because of not having proper guidance.

Your college education may not be enough for the battle of life. How many of us get the opportunity to use the learning of college life in real life apart from the subject matter expert like Doctors, lawyers etc. But even the subject matter experts need some extra inputs, some extra skill set to be successful in their respective domain. Here the exams are different. Its important to fail early since stakes are smaller.

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How to deal with disappointment from near & dear ones

What is the best way to deal with disappointment from near & dear ones

Very important question as we have to deal with disappointment on a regular basis. And this significantly impact our life. This article will deal with disappointment from people close to you as it is the most difficult part of it since you can’t ignore people close to you neither you can go away from them. You would keep on bouncing on them again and again. Nor you can stop having expectation from them.

Now lets categories these disappointment's under two heads. we have to understand the psychological aspect of it to be able to deal it better.

1. First category - Disappointment coming from their reaction or apathy shown to your action. A simple example could be that your children refuse to take the dish you cooked with so much affection
2. 2nd Category - Disappointment coming from your reaction to their action. The example could be that your child opt for engineering while you expected him to go for medicine.

The examples are just for elaboration. Disappointment comes from expectation. and it is natural to have expectation from our near & dear ones and people close to us. There are two way we could address this issue - a. reducing the level of our expectation or not having any expectation b. getting them to act or behave in a manner we want. Or there could be a middle way between these two extreme. In this article we will discuss on all the approach.

For not having any expectation from anyone, one has to be a saint. Which is not possible for a normal human being. Secondly in today scenario its not possible that your spouse of children would listen to every dictate of yours. Rather if you want to force your opinion they will become rebellion. So whats the way out.

Distinguish between issues and no issues - Distinguish between issues and not issues. At times we argue on matters which is actually a non issue and we get upset.

Listen more - There are many courses and training session available on how to speak, however very few on listening skills. While conducting session on communication skill, I put great priority to listening skill. We listen less as such fail to understand & connect. Give people a patient hearing, be a empathetic listener. they would open up more and share more. It will give you an opportunity to peep inside, understand them better, connect better.

Go for win-win situation - Propose you suggestion and solutions in a manner that your near & dear one feel that their wishes has been granted. Go for a win win proposition.

Keep an open mind - Most of times we fail to have a open mind and fail to see logic of the other person’s point of view. This happens particularly while speaking to younger ones. We start imposing our point of view without trying to listen out what he or she has to say. Most contradiction happens when we don’t Keep an open mind.

Get in to encouraging mode - Quite often parents start criticizing children for failure or to achieve expected results. Don’t get in to fault finding mode. And as result push them further away. Rather give them compassionate hug, encourage them to face the challenge.

Get involve in healthy discussion - Rather than imposing, It helps to get in discussion mode. If it works for countries and corporate in complex matters, it would surely work in personal relations as well. If there is difference of opinion get involved in discussion and try to come towards a converging point. It will help you to engage in discussion and resolve issue without going for confrontation. Most difference of opinion happens because of poor communication and ego. You have to let go your ego and come closer. Your have to convey your view point in a logical and objective manner.

Help to them to take decision - Help them to take correct decisions, providing necessary inputs, analysis, pros & cons. Make them feel responsible and accountable to their decision

Respect individual identity and stop manipulation - Threat people with respect even if he or she is your daughter or son. Respect their individuality and sentiment. In turn they would start respecting themselves. Your respect would go high in their eyes. Give them the space, they need.

Be a guide / friend - Be a guide or friend to your children. Acknowledge that there is a generation, they may not be able to understand your view point which could be more pertinent 30 years back. You have to bridge that gap, come close and be their friend. With you maturity it would be easier. See the life through their eyes as well. I assure it would not be bad.

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