How to deal with expectations from yourself and expectations from others.

This question has two parts. First, how do you deal with expectations that you have of yourself? Secondly, how do you deal with the expectations that you keep from others? In this article, we discuss them one by one. The problem with expectation is that unless your expectations are fulfilled you could get demotivated, frustrated, and disappointed. So it's very important to know how to manage your expectations as well as the outcome. The expectations from self and those from others are totally different in nature.

Dealing with Expectation from Self - This is completely a domain in your control. The self-expectation could be defined as a Goal, Target, Aim, Ambition, Dream, etc. Roughly speaking all of them denote the same. So managing your self-expectation and its outcome is totally within control. Whether to expect more from yourself or less is totally up to you. Many of us fail to achieve our expectations, goals, dreams, or ambitions and we become unhappy in life, sometimes people can go into depression if the expectation is too heavy. But why do we fail to achieve what we expect? There could be multiple reasons for that. On most occasions, our goal-setting and action plans are not proper. Let's see how we can do that better. The goal target or dream we choose should be SMART.

S - Your Goal or expectation has to be specific. If you want to eat something you have to know what you want to eat. It's very important for you to know why you want to achieve this. Because the purpose is the driving force to go for it. It has to be your goal. You can’t pursue someone else’s goal, until & unless you make it yours. It could be anything - your dream job, your dream car, your bungalow whatever you expect.

M - Your expectation or goal has to be measurable. Your expectation to be happy is not measurable. At least you have to define what makes you happy and that has to be measurable.

A -The goal must be achievable and attainable. This will help you figure out ways you can realize that goal and work towards it. The goal should be a bit challenging so that it excites you

R - The Goal or Expectation must be realistic, that there is a realistic possibility it can be achieved given the available resources and time. A SMART goal is likely to be realistic if you believe that it can be accomplished. Often, individuals or businesses will set themselves up for failure by setting general and unrealistic goals such as “I want to be the best at X.” This goal or expectation is vague with no sense of direction.

T - The goal or expectation can not be open-ended, it has to be time-bound. You have to be clear by when you want to achieve.

Now once your smart Goal or Expectation is set, you are well aware of the direction in which you to move. You can make a realistic assessment of the resources available, shortcomings if any, challenges if any, support, skills, training, and coaching required if any. Once you know all these you can work out your action plan like a Pro. Say you expect to score Grade 1 in your class exam, you would prepare accordingly. Your goal is to clear IIT advance in one attempt you would start your preparation according to, taking coaching, gathering study materials, taking mock tests, etc. Simply having your expectations and not doing groundwork would give you only disappointment. The size of your dream would define the size of your planning. You may have to work on EQ. ( emotional quotient )

If required you may have to break your goal into Short Term & Long Term Goals, creating milestones.

Also please note that even after doing all these one could still face failure on the way to achieve expected results. Because whatever I discussed above is external, the fundamental changes to be done are internal or inward changes. If you want to change the results for the better, you have to bring changes in your thinking

•Changing your thinking changes your beliefs

•Changing your belief changes your expectations

•Changing your expectations changes your attitude

•Changing your attitude changes your behaviour

•Changing your behaviour changes your performance

•Changing your performance changes your life

Don’t be afraid to fail. Fail early and Fail Big. Because stakes are small in the early stage. The size of your failure will define the size of your success. Think Solution. Be a Problem Solver, not a problem reporter. Focus on Your Strength, not on Your Weakness. The Best Way to Predict a Better Tomorrow is to start Creating it Now.

In the above section, I have discussed how to manage expectations for yourself, and how could you improve your performance against your expectations.

Now I will discuss how to manage expectations from others. This is all altogether a different subject since how would the other person behaves is not in your control. Which would depend on a number of factors. Many people would suggest you to have the least possible expectation so that you don’t get disappointed if your expectation is not fulfilled. However, this is a pessimistic outlook.

It's not possible all the time not to have any expectations from others. But how do you manage these expectations better? The other person’s reaction would depend on factors like…

1. Whether you have been able to communicate your expectations clearly without any ambiguity?
2. Whether the other person is in a position to fulfill your expectations?
3. Whether he or she is willing to meet your expectations?
4. Whether the other person have any obligation or duty bound to meet your expectations?
5. What is there in it for them to meet your expectations - means are they also going to benefit by fulfilling your expectations?
6. Is there a bargain for them in return for their fulfilling your expectations?
7. Are you in an influential position to influence their decision?
8. Are your expectations realistic or justified one?
9. Are you skillful enough in your interpersonal relations?
10. Their experience with other people whom they helped.
11. Your relationship with the person from whom you are having expectations.
12. The overall attitude of the person toward you.

If you know the answer to the above questions, you will be able to better manage your expectations from others and you will be less disappointed.

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